How to Have Sex in a Small Space

[Brad]

How to Have Sex in a Small Space

From The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex by Joshua Piven, David Borgenicth, Jennifer Worick

AIRPLANE LAVATORY

Pick a rendezvous time.
Select a time when you are least likely to have to wait in line and when you will not be disturbed. The best times are just before the plane reaches cruising altitude or during the in-flight entertainment.

As the plane is ascending, listen for a beep from the in-flight messaging system. The first beep comes without a subsequent announcement and indicates to the flight attendants that cruising altitude has almost been reached and that it is safe to begin their preparations. The FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT sign will still be illuminated, but the flight attendants will get up. As soon as the flight attendants clear the aisle, head for the lavatory. Try to select one that is not visible from the galleys. Have your date wait at least a minute, then meet you in the lavatory. You should hear the beverage carts roll by. After a few minutes, the flight attendants will begin to serve drinks, blocking the aisle from passenger access. Alternatively, or in addition, proceed to Step 3.

Meet during the movie.
Plan your rendezvous for the beginning of the film, preferably when the film is at least fifteen minutes underway. Most passengers and flight attendants stay out of the aisles and galley areas during the entertainment portion of the flight, so you will have more privacy. You should proceed to the lavatory first, to be followed a minute later by your date.

Put down the toilet seat lid and clean it.
Wipe the seat with sani-wipes if they are available, or use a wet paper towel with soap. Place paper towels or a sanitary toilet seat cover on top for extra protection.

Be quiet and be quick.
You will not have a lot of time before people are lining up to get into the restroom.

Be ready for turbulence.
The safest positions involve one partner sitting on the closed toilet seat. Then, in the event of bumpy air, neither partner will be to close to the ceiling, risking a concussion.

If you do encounter turbulence, hold on.
Brace yourself against the sink and do not try to stand up or move. Stay where you are and ride it out.

Exit the lavatory together, feigning illness.
It is illegal to have sex in an airplane bathroom -- so deny it in the unlikely event that you are asked. Tell the flight attendant or other passengers that one of you was ill and the other was offering assistance.

SEX IN AN ELEVATOR

Find a building with an older elevator.
Many older elevators have an emergency STOP button that will allow you to halt the elevator. On other units, flipping the switch from RUN to STOP will cause an alarm bell to sound. You will still have plenty of time, at least ten or fifteen minutes, possibly as long as an hour, before firefighters or other emergency personnel are able to access the elevator cabin.

Alternatively, look for a freight elevator with padding on the walls.
Freight elevators will be less likely to have an alarm that sounds when the STOP switch is thrown. The padding may also muffle sound and provide comfort.

Look for a camera.
Virtually all new elevators have security cameras, as do some older ones, including freight elevators. If a camera is present, cover the camera lens -- it will probably be in a rear corner -- with a piece of tape or several postage stamps. The security system may include audio as well, however.

Stop the elevator between floors.
Elevator doors house a mechanical clutch that opens the corridor (outer) doors. If the elevator is not level with a floor, the corridor doors cannot open, and someone from the outside will not easily be able to open the inner doors.

Release the STOP button or flip the switch to RUN when you are ready to leave. Exit the elevator normally. If emergency personnel are present, tell them there was a malfunction but that you are okay.

Be Aware
If the elevator is stopped level with a floor, an elevator technician will be able to open both the outer (corridor) doors and the inner (elevator) doors from the outside.

IN A DRESSING ROOM

Look for a dressing room that has a door and walls that extend to the floor.
If all the dressing rooms have a gap between the floor and the walls, look for one with a secure door, rather than a curtain. If you are in a store that has several dressing rooms, look for the least-trafficked or least-monitored areas. Some dressing rooms have very hard-to-detect security systems -- including two-way mirrors -- so you cannot guarantee that you will not be seen.

Carry clothes as if you are going to try them on.
Trail after a demanding customer who is requiring the attentions of the sales associate on duty. When the employee is occupied, make your move and duck into the dressing room.

Have your partner follow behind a few minutes later.

Be quiet.
The walls to dressing rooms are thin.

Be quick.
Speed is important, especially if your legs are visible beneath the walls.

Depart from the dressing room one person at a time.
Check your appearance in the mirror, and leave the store's clothing in the dressing room. If you are in the women's section of a department store, the woman should leave first and make sure the coast is clear. If you are in the men's department, the man should leave first.

Be Aware
For speed and efficiency in airlines, elevators, and dressing rooms, be sure to wear loose, baggy clothing. Do not wear underwear.

[luigiemo]

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[letterbomb1990]

Thanx's for the INFO!!!

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[hometown_rockstar]

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[ercz]

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[Blue_i]

how about in the passenger seat of the taxi on one wild nights or in the passenger bus, travelling provinces..thats cool??

[xxkornelxx]

hayzz loved the topic. . . but im too lazy to read it. . .

[verynice18]

Originally Posted by Blue_i

how about in the passenger seat of the taxi on one wild nights or in the passenger bus, travelling provinces..thats cool??

hehehe.. lolz

[verynice18]

hehehe, wla lng po

[nickolei26]

aztig yan ah...